image is my property, prompted with my own prompts, picture is the result
In one of my previous posts, I wrote about The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. In many ways, it's my bible, not meant to knock anyone down, but to help me clearly understand what I should be angry about and what I shouldn’t. Basically, the three values you truly care about mark the point where your limits get crossed, complete with all the accompanying emotions. If one of my values is violated, you can expect an all-out Italian-Irish fury to come crashing down. And yes, I’m allowed to be that dramatic, it’s quite a spectacle to witness. Imagine hearing those crazy sounds, wild gestures that end with my hand clapping in my armpit, veins popping over my head, and kids watching like they’re about to see an action movie (maybe Die Hard, who knows).
For my first value, family and friends, I’d go through fire. Perhaps that’s why I even have a tattoo dedicated to it. A simple example: I might tease my mom, but no one gets to speak badly about her. It’s my mother, and you show respect. No one should ever treat her the way we once experienced in this example with a bank. I can be passionately furious with a loving, patient expression. It’s a shame sometimes, because I’m ready to have a serious argument, but apparently, it just radiates off me (Magneto style) that it isn’t the right moment. While my mom was trying to get an account in order for months, I managed to settle it in half an hour with calm but firm words and a little connecting communication.
Friends know they can always count on me, even if they call me (for the umpteenth time) from my bed asking if I can come over during one of their panic attacks, which somehow always resolves when I arrive (it gets a bit tiring, honestly). People close to me understand that I live a somewhat secluded life and need my peace, but I wake up as soon as something’s wrong. And if someone unfairly takes a shot at my man, trust me, that’s not their best day. I’ve never met a braver soul than him: pure gold, always sticking to the rules, a rock that everyone can build on. Everyone who knows him understands that he wouldn’t hurt anyone intentionally, in the contrary, he’d go through fire for anyone in need. He will spend hours of his night time and free time to helper other people out. Just because he has the knowledge to do so, so why not? That is who he is. So today, someone dared to hurt him and accuse him of something he didn’t even know about. Especially since the rules seem to change depending on who’s playing the game. We are all here for our community because that’s who we are, and it should always be to help the community, not to punish them.
Then comes the second value: respect and honesty. There’s really nothing that makes me more furious than witnessing disrespect (and I say that very precisely at that moment) or systems that shield the so-called bad guys while being harsh on people with good intentions. That really gets under my skin. In a community-driven environment, treating people like that is simply not acceptable. And then I’m the person who blows those bridges up. People behaving that way, you just can’t work with them. A system that protects such behavior is even harder to trust. When there’s no communication about this kind of conduct, people become scared, barely daring to speak up so as not to draw attention, while the bullies continue their rampage. It exhausts and enrages me because I find it impossible to let go of such personal affronts. I’ve always hated bullies and have always stood against them. When I see that behavior, I lose trust in any future because those are people and systems you simply can’t build on.
Over the years, I’ve learned to react a bit less fiercely to my three core principles. Age brings wisdom and the realization that the hours you waste, well, you’ll never get them back. So tomorrow, this will just slide off me, and I’ll be the “silly goose” (a nickname I earned long ago) and won’t let it bother me anymore. The only difference is that I’ve learned the lesson, felt it, and I’ll never forget it. Because emotions make you recognize things faster.
I know everyone has those days when everything feels too much. Stick to your boundaries and clearly communicate them to others. Only then can mutual understanding happen. If not, don’t sweat it, it’s not worth your time in the long run. Trust your instincts, and next time, you’ll see it sooner.
In the end, it’s up to each of us to decide how long we want to stew in anger or sadness. And that’s perfectly okay. For anyone else dealing with these feelings (and believe me, I’m not the only one) it will pass, and you’ll come out wiser. And if all else fails, there’s always coffee, a good book, and a shopping spree.
With much love and warmth,
An Italian-Irish mother who’s starting tomorrow with a lot of coffee.
